


[Shinra-internal]

by purglepurglepurgle



Category: Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997)
Genre: Comedy, Gen, I don't think I've found the perfect layout yet, Shinra Company, Shinra board of directors, any suggestions welcome, email, mailing lists, proud clod, reeve forgets the docs team, still experimenting with ways to render mailing lists in a more traditional fiction format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 21:20:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20785238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purglepurglepurgle/pseuds/purglepurglepurgle
Summary: [Shinra-internal] is the mailing list for all internal Shinra managerial discussion. For company-wide announcements, please use [Shinra-announce]. For support, please use [Shinra-support].





	[Shinra-internal]

_**Scarlet** wrote at 11:42am:_

Hello, all! We're delighted to announce the release of the Proud Clod, Shinra's illustrious Weapons Development Department's most advanced mecha to date! Featuring 3 claws, a laser, and a machine gun, and standing at 50ft tall, [and so on], the Proud Clod will revolutionize Shinra's defence capabilities and put the company in prime position going forward. In other words, we won’t need Heidegger for much longer! (Arguably we don’t need him now! But either way, we're closer than ever with the Proud Clod!)

Regards,

Scarlet <3

_**Heidegger** wrote at 12:00pm:_

Gyahahaha! '[and so on]' -- Did the Proud Clod write the email?!

_**Rufus Shinra** wrote at 12:01pm:_

what is this for.

_**Palmer **wrote at 12:05pm:_

h

_**Palmer** wrote at 12:07pm:_

sent email too soon can any

_**Palmer** wrote at 12:10pm:_

can anyoen help me

_**Scarlet** wrote at 12:15pm:_

Mr. President, the Proud Clod can fire a projectile up to 70m, hit a target moving at 50mph, and what’s more, it has an advanced AI capable of distinguishing friend from foe, even in adverse weather conditions, with minimal pilot input.

_**Rufus Shinra** wrote at 12:17pm:_

those are technical specifications. I did not request technical specifications. I am asking _why_ you built this thing.

_**Heidegger **wrote at 12:25pm:_

That is a very good point!

_**Palmer** wrote at 12:28pm:_

i cant log in i know my passwrod and usernam but i spiled jam on my keybord and it doesnt reccognise the capslock key and my passwod is 'llllllard' but all in capitals so i cant log in can anyoen help

_**Palmer** wrote at 12:29pm:_

sry 'llllard'

_**Palmer** wrote at 12:29pm:_

'lllard'

_**Scarlet** wrote at 12:30pm:_

The Proud Clod is the latest innovation in Shinra Defence.

_**Rufus Shinra** wrote at 12:32pm:_

defence against what. what holes in shinra's defence does this plug. what new threats does this giant expensive robot smash to pieces. it's too small to fight WEAPON. what is it FOR.

_**Heidegger **wrote at 12:45pm:_

That is an excellent point!

_**Palmer **wrote at 12:46pm:_

can anyoen help????????//

_**Scarlet** wrote at 1pm:_

Here at Shinra's Weapons Development Department, we're blazing the trail with a proactive rather than reactive approach. This requires constant innovation and investment. R&D is very important to us, as, of course, it is to the wider company; while the Proud Clod is, in part, a research investment, it is by no means the first such investment. Shinra has financed hundreds of moonshots, some literal, and many of which have proven to be dead ends; this is the nature of scientific advancement and progress. For example, it's questionable that there was any value at all in the Cait project.

_**Reeve** wrote at 1:27pm:_

(Palmer, please ask your question on the [Shinra-support] mailing list instead; I'm sure one of my team will be able to help you there.)

Hello, everyone. I'm pleased to see the Cait Project coming up in the discussion, though I'd like to make sure we characterise the project fairly! Just popping in to remind everyone of a few salient points:

1\. Cait performed his job expertly and was a vital component in getting access to the Temple of the Ancients, by recovering the keystone, as the good men of General Affairs can no-doubt attest. His rate of mechanical failures has been astonishingly low, since we resolved the spontaneous combustion issue, and we've yet to encounter any critical bugs since he was deployed in the field. For an experimental technology like this, this level of reliability is unheard of, and we do a disservice to our engineers by treating their work as anything less than groundbreaking (in scope, ambition, and implementation!). My thanks go out to the entire Cait team-- engineers, developers, project managers, QA testers, support staff-- the list goes on. I hope you guys know that you are very much appreciated!

2\. Furthermore, before and since, Cait has provided us with much valuable intelligence on AVALANCHE'S movements. It's doubtful that we would even know the _continent_ on which they were based, currently, were it not for Cait's detailed contribution. Cait has created a solid foundation, on which we can build, whenever Heidegger or Scarlet feels confident enough to follow up with their respective resources.

3\. The process of building Cait's AI has produced a net benefit to human knowledge (I realise this is a tangential concern, but it's worth mentioning all the same, and it is, in fact, the dearest to my heart).

I would go so far as to suggest that Cait may turn out to be the most important invention of this last century, and I would actually advise that Shinra set aside_ more _funding to pursue similar programs in the future, if we want to remain competitive (and appealing to new compsci graduates!) in the coming decades.

By the way, could I suggest that everyone adopt the convention of posting at the _bottom_ of the list? That's a nicer way of emailing; while there's no formal RFC, it's a valuable convention. It'll let us reply to specific points in turn, and it'll make the order of responses clear. It will also make it possible to trim any quotes so that we can focus on the most relevant parts of the discussion. Pretty neat, right? I think we should try harder to adopt standard email practices at Shinra.

_**Rufus ****S****hinra **wrote at 1:28pm:_

no

_**Heidegger **wrote at 1:35pm:_

'Getting the keystone'? That got Tseng stabbed in the belly, hahahahahaha!

_**Tseng** wrote at 1:42pm:_

'Haha' indeed.

_**Scarlet** wrote at 1:42pm:_

This is another example of why AI-based-operatives like the Proud Cloud are so important; we cannot rely on Heidegger to adequately train his men.

_**Scarlet** wrote at 1:43pm:_

Hello, Tseng. Why are General Affairs on this list? I thought it was Directors only.

_**Palmer** wrote at 1:44pm:_

i need a halp

_**Reeve** wrote at 1:45pm:_

Cait performed without fault; the problem was with the mission parameters, as set for the staff of General Affairs by the Head of the Defence Department. Cait was categorically _not_ responsible for Tseng's injury. He was, however, instrumental in supplying Tseng with curative magic (and, later, flowers).

_**Tseng** wrote at 1:47pm:_

Reno's hayfever thanks you. It has certainly livened up our meetings.

_**Rufus Shinra **wrote at 1:49pm:_

scarlet, see me. this is not acceptable.

_Luckily for Scarlet, Diamond WEAPON attacked the next day._


End file.
